Why the phrase “Don’t take it personally” is a mistake in a work context

For your own well-being—and for the sake of those you work with—accept that this is your life, and it deserves personal involvement in every aspect.

During a recent collaboration with a leader who lost a valuable team member to a competitor, the words “Don’t take it personally” came up in our conversation. This advice, often offered in work contexts—especially during periods of setbacks and challenges—is usually considered wise. However, upon closer examination, it becomes clear that this concept is fundamentally flawed.

Consider the workplace as an arena where we spend most of our waking hours and, indeed, a significant part of our lives. Asking us not to take these experiences personally essentially means asking us to detach ourselves from an important part of our existence. Is it reasonable to keep such a large portion of our lives devoid of personal involvement?

Although the intention behind “don’t take it personally” seems to be to protect us from work-related hardships and uncertainties, there are strong reasons to argue that personal involvement in our work, leadership, and consistency can be beneficial.

First, it correlates with success and well-being at work. Think about the people you admire for their inspiration, energy, and achievements. They are likely deeply personally connected to their work. Conversely, those who have removed the personal element from their work are usually not the most pleasant colleagues. Personal experience shows that success is often accompanied by taking work personally.

This idea is not limited to psychology or semantics; it also applies to concrete business outcomes. Consider the link between employee engagement and business performance. Being engaged in one’s work is essentially a form of taking it personally. Low engagement in the workplace underscores the potential costs of depersonalization.

There are also ethical implications. Many corporate scandals—including embezzlement and environmental negligence—are rooted in the mentality of “It’s nothing personal; it’s just business.” The absence of personal responsibility can encourage leaders and teams to justify their actions at the expense of society, the environment, and stakeholder well-being.

Given these factors, it becomes evident that fulfilling our responsibilities as leaders and unlocking our leadership potential requires personal investment in our work. When employees are stripped of their humanity and depersonalized, they are more likely to treat stakeholders unprofessionally.

However, it is important to distinguish between taking work personally and failing to set boundaries. Being passionate about your work should not turn into an unhealthy dependence where every failure undermines your self-worth. When work begins to overshadow your identity, it becomes a dangerous pursuit.

There is a balanced approach between workaholism and emotional detachment. Instead of giving in to the discouraging idea that “it’s nothing personal,” it is more reasonable to acknowledge frustration, disappointment, and the desire to understand and improve the situation. But in any case, do not lose your personal connection to your work.

Taking work personally involves risks; it can lead to disappointments and setbacks. Yet, as with the paradox of love, what is the alternative? Is it better to protect yourself from heartbreak by avoiding love altogether? Similarly, should we abandon our work to avoid disappointment?

For your own well-being—and for the sake of those you work with—accept that this is your life, and it deserves personal involvement in every aspect.